I don’t even really know how I identify anymore! I even find the term “identifying” a bit weird because I feel like I just am, it’s not my identity. When I first came out as trans I was identifying with being neutrois/genderqueer/gender neutral, it took me a long time to admit to myself that it was ok that I was more binary-identified. I think particularly having been a feminist for years it was hard to realise that I am in fact a guy.
Mostly these days I am calling myself transsexual over transgender, because I don’t think I have changed my gender, I am changing my sex. Also I think it sounds more shocking haha! For ages I was calling myself a transboy but I feel I have been growing up somewhat since then. No words feel right to be honest. I always hated the word man in reference to me but recently if it has the prefix of trans or young it feels ok. I’ve come to identify with being male in the last few months.
It feels strange to see being trans so much as a medical condition and yet have no desire to have been born as cis. And have no desire to be like any of the cis guys I know, maybe some of the queer ones but mostly I have no interest in hanging out with them. I guess a lot of it is to do with having lived experience being perceived as female and that making me more able to be less of a sexist prick. Also I don’t see any point wishing things were different about my life because they just can’t be. I like the person I am today and I wouldn’t change that for being cis or anything else.
(Also I don’t like the term ftm because I feel I was never female. I tag my posts as such because I think they can often be useful to people who check those tags or use the term ftm to describe themselves)
